Reading Time: Just under 11 minutes Rilke seduces us with a sense of self-reliant freedom, suggesting that we can do anything we want, since all activities and interests yield equal results. . .
As a poetically-minded teenager, I took positive inspiration from Rilke, though there was much in him I also sought to shed. His tone was often gloomy. His work filled with longing. He was depressed for most of his life, poor, and—in every sector of human activity other than poetry—a failure.
Half-Truths
A rebellious seventeen-year-old who defined myself against ‘the system’ (whatever that might have meant to me at the time) – I saw Rilke as an alternative to a mechanical, systematized, bureaucratic life to which I did not want to belong. But I have since found the poet’s advice full of misleading half-truths that, were I a parent, I would urge my child to read with caution. So, if you happen to be entranced by Rilke as I was, or if your child is, I encourage you to read this and the following two posts: admonishing tales to protect an innocent’s mind from the powerful, seductive, and potentially misleading advice in Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet.
As pointed out in a scathing critique by poet J.D. Mcclatchy, Rilke is one of those world-class poets whose poetic achievements have poured over into popular culture, especially the realm of New Age spirituality.
One reason for Rilke’s popularity among the self-help gurus is his appeal to self-affirmation, to the notion that we possess an inner, God-given truth that, if we dig deeply enough into ourselves, we’ll find, in a kind of moment of self-realization.
But this is not how it is for everybody. Embarking on the path of so-called ‘inner-truth’ is one way, among many, to live a life.
Rilke is the poet of longing and seeking—which he does in the company of angels. He is the self-made holy man. In a world of rapid change, he promises a way by which we can find in ourselves what is stable, lasting, genuine, trustworthy, and noble. Indeed, as some have called him, he is the last Romantic—representing one form of living among many, the diversity of which we’ll look at in more detail below.
Rilke’s Way of Life
But first, let’s consider the way of life that Rilke represents.
Rilke’s popularity among seekers and the spiritually bewildered makes sense, and it’s not accidental. Rilke set out to establish himself as a self-designed prophet. One might even say that was his goal in life: He wanted to triumph over the values of commercial society, and in so doing offer a path to salvation that did not depend upon a Christian God, but which nevertheless spoke to people who felt alienated from the staggering industrial developments going on around them.
Here is Nobel Laureate Herman Hesse on Rilke:
“It [the phenomenon of Rilke] can be described in this way: in the midst of a period of violence and the brutal worship of strength, a poet becomes a favorite, indeed becomes a prophet and model, for a spiritual elite, a poet whose essence seems to be weakness, delicacy, devotion, and humility, who, however, turned his weakness into an impulse to greatness, turned his delicacy into strength, turned his psychic vulnerability and fear of life into a heroic asceticism. And this is the reason that Rilke’s letters and his personal life and his legend belong so very much to his work, because in his nature he is so very typical of what’s unprotected, homeless, uprooted, threatened, yes, suicidal in the spiritual man of our time. He prevails not because he was stronger but because he was weaker than the average; it is the sick and threatened quality of his nature that so powerfully summoned up and strengthened the healing, incantative, magical forces in him. And so he has become a beloved model for the spiritual man and artist who does not withdraw from suffering, who does not flee from and renounce his own time and its fears, nor his own weaknesses and dangers, but through them, a sufferer, achieves his faith, his ability to live, his victory.”
Your Weakness Can Become Your Strength
So, in effect, Rilke is saying to us, take solace in your weakness, because you always have your beingness, and your power to create.
Rilke’s is a Romantic stance, and it’s a powerful one. His model for life ascribes the highest value to self-realization through self-expression. But there is danger in this approach, which is difficult to see because it’s masked by such good sense.
“No one can advise or help you—no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into it’s humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.”
Taking Action
The great virtue of this advice is the simple notion that we must actually practice what we decide is necessary to live for, and we must do so in every area of our life. If we are a schoolteacher, we should be teaching every minute of every day. Or, a question I frequently ask in my own life: what good does it do to be a monk in public if I don’t hold the same values and calling in my heart in private, “before God,” so to speak. There is no separation between our private life and public responsibilities, no dividing our public and private interests. This is a tremendous feat to accomplish.
Digging Deep
On the other hand, reading this advice, one wonders: how, precisely, is it that one is to “Dig into yourself for a deep answer?” How does one know whether one has found the answer, and is there any guarantee that the answer one finds is, in fact, the best answer? What about the case for example, of a ten-year-old who digs deep into herself to answer that she must have a candy bar? It’s the job of the parent to educate, isn’t it, that there are perhaps better choices, better options for her health and well-being? What is Rilke’s logic when he says that to determine what we must do, is to determine what is best for us to do.
For Rilke—a thing is good or ultimate for us, so long as we deem it so. The authority of his ‘must’ rests on the notion that we are free to determine our spiritual purpose and that we ourselves are ultimately responsible for the forms our lives take. We, in a sense, are the artists who create ourselves. But whether or not we have such freedom, or choose to recognize ourselves as having such freedom, or choose to make such freedom an issue, already assumes a particular approach to life and a particular mindset. And there is a sleight of hand at play here that, if you don’t want to be fooled by Rilke , is important to catch. Perhaps you already have.
The giveaway is in the opening sentence above: “No one can advise or help you,” says Rilke—and yet he goes on in ten letters to do just that. Why does he say this, if he does not believe one can be advised? This is the dilemma into which Rilke has cornered himself.
The First True Modernists
As an early modernist, Rilke wants to establish himself as a being independent of tradition, whose authority comes from his direct (i.e. pure, authentic, and genuine) experience of beingness—a state that stands outside of history, time, and society. According to Rilke, one must be deeply self-reliant. One must die to custom, and the help and advice of others. One must live in solitude and dig deeply into one’s isolation, until one finds, like a spring in the clay of one’s ignorance, a miraculous source from which life breaks out and flows forth. We must isolate ourselves and dig through all of our impurity and social pollution, raze ourselves down until we are clean and pure enough for truth to crack through us into life.
Well, I suppose this is one approach. But what about those of us who are social? Who like to be with others? Who grow through sharing dinners together, and enjoying custom, conversation and collaboration, or doing well by our families, or who aren’t inclined to look deeply into ourselves, but, prefer, rather, to emulate and study the ways and life of God, or carpentry, or those of us who get to know ourselves by learning how to garden and cook?
Rilke’s Way Isn’t My Way
Rilke and his way may not be for us. We live for other things, other goods, and other ‘musts.’ And what I would say in contrast to Rilke is that in determining what we must do, there is no reason not to ask others. In my case, for example, I have turned to the wisdom of many others before me—masters and teachers of Buddhism, who, while not telling me what to do in a prescriptive, methodical sense, have always guided me and taught me how to study.
I am grateful to them, and would remain lost without them, and I am glad that I listened to them for in doing so my life has opened far beyond what I was managing without them. And they do not contradict themselves. They do not say, “I cannot advise or help you,” and then proceed to do so. They are much more careful. They say, for example, “I cannot advise or help you in such and such a matter, but if I were you, in this case, at this time, and for this reason, I suggest doing this…” And such instruction is helpful.
Rilke the Poet and His Magnificent Myth
Rilke, however, seems to live by a kind of magnificent myth which tells us that when we dive deeply into ourselves, the truth miraculously appears. He lived with as much faith in his own, individual truth as one who lives with faith in God, or the goodness of their family, or the promise of a successful career to satisfy themselves.
It is the eternal and unanswerable question whether or not we have chosen life correctly—whether or not we have pointed our life in the best direction. Indeed, of what does Rilke’s ‘must’ consist? Is it what we enjoy? Is it determined by our family obligations? Is it determined by our passion for fame and glory? Riches? Perfect self-expression? The success of our partnered relationships? Living among the plurality of moral goods—the myriad mental models and mindsets—that we do, how are we to choose among our so-called ‘musts?’
Indeed, it seems, that we no longer do, in fact, choose. Rather, we try to do it all—so that our new must has become the must of “I must be able to do it all.” We no longer ask ourselves what we must do. Instead, we tell ourselves that we can do it all, as if we can. ‘I should,’ has become, ‘I can’: a perfect recipe for burnout, which is perhaps why burnout has, in modern society, been deemed an epidemic.
Empty, Vague and Seductive
In short, Rilke’s advice is somewhat empty. It’s good insofar as it encourages us to put into practice and make concrete the ideals for which we say we must live—however, he is very vague in helping us to sort through the kinds of thoughts that are helpful to adopt when considering the meaning and purpose of our lives. Thus, he seduces us with a sense of self-reliant freedom, suggesting that we can do anything we want, since all activities and interests yield equal results (for ourselves and others) and give back to our lives equally, when, in fact, if we think about it for just a moment, we realize almost instantly, that this cannot be the case.
Why not simply put it like this: ask yourself what you find most enjoyable, and organize your life to the extent that you can, given your obligations, so that everything you do is consistent with creating as much time as you can for doing what you enjoy.
Next week we’ll continue our contemplation of Rilke’s advice and what it might mean to say as he does, having determined what it is you must do: “Then come close to Nature.”
My biggest struggle [before coaching] was discovering the source of my frustration – my growing discontent with the sensation of feeling “stuck” – and how to act upon it by examining my values and what I want in life. I was feeling confused. I was not sure where to begin.
I immediately noticed [in working with Soken] that I was able to be more aware. I was paying more attention to life and how I live it as opposed to feeling like a bystander, and I started to welcome a sense of compassion that I felt I had become estranged with.
There was a particular moment where I realized that I wanted to do more good in the world, and that I had as much agency as ever to do so. We had a call where I began to open up about things which brought me joy and I felt as if I was seeing a future that I previously hadn't thought possible - but now felt within reach.
I feel like I am now on a path, with a plan. I have direction and can move forward, and enjoy the journey as opposed to feeling frustrated from not having one.
Coaching will help you understand the way you view life, uncover your truths, disprove limiting beliefs, reconnect with love, and aid in forging a path where you can be resolute in carrying out your purpose.
I didn’t really know what coaching was, so I was hesitant about it. The turning point for me was feeling like I really had to make a change. I knew I needed reliable objective guidance to help me see beyond my own thinking. I didn’t want therapy, which looks backward. I wanted to look forward. I needed something creative, energizing, and action-orientated. Soken held a space for me so I could ask—and gain insight and answers to—the pressing questions that had been plaguing me for a long time, especially what my next big steps ought to be with certain friendships, career moves, and personal development. Coaching with Soken also allowed me the time and space I needed to seriously think about what I needed, the kind of life I wanted, and what I envisioned for myself. I've since continued this journey of self-reflection and I can only say I'm better because of the time I spent working through these questions and establishing a deep foundation for growth and reflection with Soken.
Coaching with Bodhi Heart is full of heart, muscle, and brains!
I was struggling with turning my vision into concrete steps and clarifying my goals. At first, I was intimidated by coaching but immediately I noticed Soken was so easy to speak with, he listened really well and was able to reiterate my agenda and interpret them simply and intuitively.
Right from the beginning I felt listened to, making it easy to make progress with this work. Within the first two weeks we had a series of short-term goals that felt (and were) achievable, even during an especially busy time. Soken is enthusiastic, but he really does listen well, and is empathetic to all the pressures of life on people. His expectations were solidly focused on my personal satisfaction with our progress, and not unrealistic or overachieving.
I feel infinitely more focused and capable of setting goals and plotting a pathway to achieve them. Clarifying these took patience and time, and Soken was an integral guide in that process.
I strongly recommend this process, Soken has a firm grasp of how to elicit intentions and how to move from there towards goals. For me these are long term goals, but along the way we found short-term, achievable objectives that made the journey incredibly productive and satisfying.
I highly recommend Soken Graf for coaching. He helped me build my confidence, clarify my goals, and establish a pattern of success that led to me knowing I can build my dreams, no matter how big!
Working with Soken is an essential part of my spiritual and physical health. After years of experiencing the physical benefits of Rolfing, and the mental benefits that come with living a pain-free life, I embarked on a series of spiritual coaching sessions during the pandemic. Working more deeply with Soken in the midst of such a tumultuous time in the world, during which I began exploring a career transition and possible relocation, has created the space for me to reflect and change certain long-held behaviors, beliefs and judgments while looking ahead with clear eyes. Soken’s wisdom, compassion, and light make this an amazing experience that meets you where you are, giving you invaluable and sound tools for growth and self-care. I can't recommend Soken highly enough.
My experience with coaching so far has been unexpectedly great!
My biggest struggle that transformed as a result of coaching was changing my uncreative thought patterns. Prior to coaching, I felt like I was stuck in a negative story.
When we first started working together, Soken helped me see my goals and was very generous in the process. One day after coaching, I experienced a moment of clearheaded positive projection like when drains drain again. I'm very grateful and it's continued. I now feel what was depressing uncertainty around me is rather a cloud with boundaries and a source of inspiration—and it can be experienced differently and made so much better and more beautiful. I’m in a happier place with my work and can’t even begin to express my thankfulness for this.
Soken is a well of incredible knowledge. He gives an example of non-judgmental and creative hopefulness. It's been really fun as well. I laughed as much as thought deeply and better. I am very grateful I had the chance.
I had been battling a mysterious illness and I thought I knew what was important to me — my career. But, what I learned [in a series of coaching conversations] was that I needed to focus on my health, so that I could get back to the people and things that mattered to me — which is making other people’s lives better.
I had seen a lot of doctors, therapists and nutritionists. I left many of those sessions in tears and confused. With coaching, I always felt the opposite - energized and clear on what I needed to do.
Our [coaching] sessions inspired me to take action. And even more than that, it empowered me to look for different actions I could take within certain situations. Instead of going round and round with a situation, I found strategies to move forward, and as a result I feel much better.
Coaching is helpful in that you get an outside perspective — someone who offers empathy and powerful questions — and you get to know yourself better than you did before. And you’re in control, you still get to make your own choices. If a friend asked me about coaching, I would support them 100%. I think it can be incredibly helpful.
My health has improved in a way that sometimes brings me to tears. And at work, I have been approved for a promotion. These sessions helped me heal, and I’m looking forward to the future.
Unfortunately, Yelp doesn’t show all of our client’s reviews on their website. 18 of 50, almost half of them, are hidden. But we want you to be able to see them all. See the excerpts below or read the full review by clicking the “Read on Yelp” button and logging into your Yelp account.
1. Rebecca E.
Incredible Healer
Soken is an incredible healer. I have had the worst year of my life suffering from chronic pain (headaches/ migraines) while trying to take care of a baby in a pandemic. Soken has not only helped me with the physical pain but he has become a friend, healer, mentor, in the process…
Soken Graf at BodhiHeart Coaching was amazing, helping me to clarify dreams, establish goals, and set up achievable steps to bring goals to reality. He listened carefully, held space for my needs, and was incredibly enthusiastic and focused. Highly recommend!!
The [Coaching] sessions are so calming and reassuring. I am glad to have found and been coached by Soken. These sessions have really gotten to the core of my issues and now I have practical solutions for them. Soken is the coach you need.
I highly recommend Soken as he's a fantastic coach! Soken really helped me set clear goals and measures, helped me to get to insight … Soken's coaching helped me overcome the fear of taking the next step. Soken is sensitive and provides compassionate support through the process.
Soken will ease your physical presence with Rolfing ... and your overall life with his contemplative guidance program. If you're ready to expand every part of your mind and prepared to pull up your sleeves and earn some real insight, Soken and Bodhi Heart is your best bet in nyc - likely on the eastern seaboard.
I recommend this service to anyone seeking for physical work and/or for the seekers for a more fulfilling life that mirror the inner and deep desires of oneself in light of building a more harmonious world where we can all live and thrive and not just survive ...
The meditation guidance and talk last night was phenomenal. I have had instruction on Metta meditation before, but your explanation offered so much wisdom and direct understanding. Much Gratitude to You Soken.
Soken has resolved issues related to mobility in my hips and back that a collection of physiotherapists, bodyworkers and chiropractors has said either weren't problems to solve or impossible to solve.
…I am extremely active in sports and anytime I will get one those pains that are un-stretchable or how about when you try to sit and there is not one position that you can be comfortable in! Now I know who to go see or even better recommend to friends in pain…
Soken is a treasure. I came to him with a long-standing knee injury. In one session he was able to get rid of the pain. He's also helped a number of other people I know. He's thoughtful, kind, insightful, and quite effective…
…my self-esteem has noticeably strengthened and I feel invigorated to pick up my soul's quest where I left off when I turned from the road and detoured through darkness. I am very grateful that we have this cutting edge technology to rescue the spirit …
…As someone who has a wide range of experience with healing techniques, I think Soken's approach is superior. In my case, after only 1 session, I felt a great release from mind-numbing stress that had plagued me for weeks before. Something actually re-aligned in my body that calmed it down…
…I had had four knee surgeries in four years and after each surgery my knee had never truly healed…I have been seeing Soken for over a month now, and I have honestly never felt better, more balanced or at peace with myself … I have not felt this good since the injury occurred over five years ago…
The benefits I immediately began to receive were nothing short of revolutionary.… It is hard to describe other than to say I felt as if I were a different body altogether, with a naturally joyful sense of the well-being I had once possessed as a child…
My life has changed thanks to the monthly four week meditation classes Soken guides and teaches on what it is like to meditate from a pure Zen place with a modern twist. I am a completely different person and continue to grow and learn about myself and the universe and all that is.
I have bee seeing Soken for while now. If you have some sort of lingering physcial malady go see him, don't wait. He's pretty busy and it might take some time to get in so call right now.
Some of my injuries and pain that I have had for years have been greatly relieved by his rolfing work and he's also just a great human being. I would totally go see him for his other services as well.
Rolfing doesn't need to be super intense though it can be. He will calibrate to what you need
Philippa Newman
I cannot recommend Soken highly enough. He will literally transform your life.
I first came to meet Soken for his Rolfing services when I had been living with unbearable lower back pain for over a year. Numerous visits to doctors, various x-rays and months of physical therapy later, I was no better off and desperate to find an alternative solution. Having read about Rolfing as a technique, I discovered Soken's practice in NYC. I am now back pain free and able to do things I thought no longer possible.
As I learned more about Soken during our Rolfing sessions, I became interested in his spiritual life coaching /contemplative guidance program. His carefully tailored program has given me enormous insight, and I am a better person, mother and leader as a result.
Soken has a calming, peaceful and reassuring presence, and I am extremely grateful to have met him when I did.
A Rice
Soken is an amazing coach that will get to the essence of your issues. Difficult issues seem to become easier handle talking to Soken. He is a great coach to have, especially in these times. He is clear and ensures you leave each session with an understanding and a plan of action.
Maya Kumits
I’ve been going to Soken for years for my bodywork and sending everyone I know to him too. The work he does with his hands is incredible - I cannot say enough good things. This review, however, is for life coaching. I was faced with a decision recently that I was having trouble making. I was going in circles. I kept changing my mind because I ultimately had no idea what to do. I felt lost and confused. I reached out to Soken for help and was so glad I did. After struggling for weeks trying to figure out the right thing to do, a 1-hour call with him gave me the clarity I needed. By answering a series of thoughtful questions and hearing my answers reflected back to me, I was able to untangle the signal from the noise. By the end of the call, the answer revealed itself. It’s been a few weeks since our call and I still feel great about the decision. I’m so grateful to Soken for helping me with this and won’t hesitate to reach out again for more life coaching.
Marni Gordon
I highly recommend Soken as he's a fantastic coach! Soken really helped me set clear goals and measures, helped me to get to insight, and ensures that I have a strong action plan with accountability in every session. Soken's coaching helped me overcome the fear of taking the next step. Soken is sensitive and provides compassionate support through the process.
faraz khan
Soken is an exceptionally intelligent person who seems to understand any multiple of bodily issues. I've been struggling with a reoccurring injury the past few years, and already after the first session I can sense a lot of good has been done. I highly recommend him to anyone 😊
Shonni Silverberg
I got to know Soken as a client of his Rolfing practice, where his expertise was immeasurably valuable in treating my plantar fasciitis. During the COVID crisis, Soken introduced me to meditation. Practicing under his guidance has been extremely helpful in these turbulent times.
Shonni J. Silverberg, M.D., New York, NY
Anaina Mascovich
The meditation guidance and talk last night was phenomenal. I have had instruction on Metta meditation before, but your explanation offered so much wisdom and direct understanding. Much Gratitude to You Soken.
Lena Elkousy
This review is long overdue, and I would give 10 stars if I could. I cannot recommend Soken's work highly enough. Rolfing is an investment in my physical and emotional health that I wish I had made long ago.
To put it quite simply, Soken has changed my life. When we work together, he listens to what I say and what my body says, and works with me right where I am. He is a true healer.
In our first series of sessions, he permanently relieved shoulder/neck pain and unfurled a chronic knot that no amount of years of deep tissue massage could even touch.
One side of my ribcage was bound with fascia and scar tissue from physical and emotional trauma, to the point that I couldn't breathe into my lower right lung without feeling cramping in surrounding muscles. Over a few sessions, he set me free, and you can actually see the difference in the shape of my ribs.
In a series other sessions, he relieved sharp cramping in my feet that I've dealt with since childhood.
As a yogi and meditator myself, I find Soken's integrative approach quite profound.
Do yourself a favor and an act of self love: and go see this wizard.
Stella Nyla Jules
Soken has been transformational in improving and diminishing the increasing pain in my neck and shoulder that traditional physical therapies failed to resolve. His patience, caring, and intuition are top notch.