How Long Does It Take To Move On?

How Long Does It Take to Move On?

If only there was a formula for letting go and moving on. We could quantify and plug in our pain. 

The result would most likely be a higher number than we wanted, but at least we would know.

As you might have already guessed, it’s not that easy. 

There’s no exact science for estimating how long it takes to move on from the end of a relationship, job, experience, place or death. 

The process is too subjective.

Fortunately, it is possible to move on from almost anything, and the journey doesn’t need to consume you for the rest of your life. 

By taking the steps we outline here, you can accelerate progress and use suffering as an opportunity to figure out who you are and what you want.

What Does It Mean to ‘Move On’?

“Move on.” We throw around those two little words with the assumption that everyone shares our definition. 

But, like the period of time needed to move on, the meaning of the words varies between people and situations.

The Literal Definition: It Starts With Acceptance of the End

Let’s start with the literal aspect of moving on. 

If you leave one job and start another, you have physically moved on from one employer to another employer. 

The same can be said of changing your residence, terminating a relationship, or acknowledging someone’s passing. Outside, the situation has changed, but inside, you may not have adapted to the change—a transformational process that usually takes longer than the outer change itself.

After a big change, life is now physically different, and you are acknowledging that difference. Simply by thinking about “moving on,” you have begun the process of transformation.

This fact may seem obvious, but it’s important to give credit to ourselves whenever we can. To acknowledge that something has changed and ended is the first step of the transformation that’s necessary for us to make in order to move on.

Many people don’t find the closure that allows them to move on because they refuse to accept that something has ended.

Imagine a husband and wife who live together but no longer love each other romantically. They have not realized their romantic relationship is over. Until they are honest with each other, they won’t begin to separate and move on, or re-visit their vows to each other, and they’ll be trapped in a loveless marriage.

Compared to this common situation, by acknowledging that something has ended, you have made progress. Regardless of whether the change and decision to move on was your choice, you are aware of what is happening and able to transform.

The Mental Definition: Closure

Mentally speaking, “moving on” is closure, and closure sometimes to have closure it’s important to understand what you had, what happened to end it, how it happened, and why. 

If a partner breaks up with you, it’ll be hard to gain closure if they don’t explain their reasoning, or if neither of you had a grasp on what the relationship was.

Answering a few questions can help you to get closure and determine how long it will take you to move on. 

6 Questions for Estimating How Long It Takes to Move On

Again, it’s not an exact science, and we advise against rushing. Nonetheless, there are factors you can evaluate to arrive at your own estimate.

1. Was it your decision to move on?

Choosing to move on can still be a struggle, but that scenario at least has agency and control.

When moving on isn’t your choice, the journey can be more arduous.

2. Do you want to move on?

This is the quintessential question. Until the answer is yes, the process can’t begin.

As we mentioned earlier, wanting to move on is a big step. If you break up with someone because they were bad for you, it’s common for there to still be an overwhelming desire to take back all that you gave. 

And although closure is what we need, it’s not always what we want.

3. Do you know who you are and what you want?

When people don’t know who they are or what they want, they are inclined to define themselves and their desires through other people, jobs, or places. 

After one of these anchors inevitably breaks, there is a void that is more distressing for people who haven’t found their own internal purpose.

4. Do you have a solid support system?

Quality friends and coaches can be invaluable when attempting to move on, especially if a romantic partner is no longer able to provide support. One way they can help is by helping you to become aware of your spiritual values and what you live for, regardless of changing circumstances.

A community — spiritual or otherwise — may also provide the guidance and comfort you need. Time moves faster when you’re not alone.

5. Do you struggle with change?

Some people have an affinity for change. They love to study abroad or get a new job. Perhaps they developed resiliency by growing up with constant transitions.

Then there are those of us who cling to routines and stability. When we like something, we desperately want it to remain the same forever.

6. Are you open to trying the methods we mention below?

Calculating the amount of time may not be an exact science, but there are many practices and exercises that are scientifically proven to accelerate the rate at which people move on from traumatic events. 

Are you already open to them? If not, how long will it take you to change your mind?

What Can You Do to Help With Moving On?

Moving on is challenging and time-consuming, but finding helpful resources takes only a few keystrokes and clicks. Here are the methods we recommend:

Life Coaching and Therapy

The “Who are you?” question we posed earlier is pretty tough. The rewards are worth it, though.

If you want help reaching the answer, try working with a life coach. Psychotherapy can also be part of the healing process.

Read Books and Articles About Moving On

You’re trying this one right now! Take a moment to give yourself credit.

We’re not the only resource that’s worth reading, though. William Bridges literally wrote the book on coping with changes. The Bridges Transition Model provides a visual and mental landscape for much of the material we cover in our article.

Keep a Journal About Your Transition Milestones

If you track your progress, connect the dots and zoom out, you’ll have a high-level overview of what you’ve been through and where you’re going. Sometimes journaling or creating a life map can help with this.

This documentation could be crucial for figuring out those big questions of who you are and what you want.

What’s Your Estimate?

Remember to ask yourself the questions we listed above. 

If you’re not happy with the answers, the good news is it’s possible to change most situations. 

You can develop a support system by joining a local community, and a life coach can help you answer the toughest questions. 

Even if your time estimate for moving on is several years, those years can be well spent.

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6 Reviews on Bodhi Heart

Unfortunately, Yelp doesn’t show all of our client’s reviews on their website. 18 of 50, almost half of them, are hidden. But we want you to be able to see them all. See the excerpts below or read the full review by clicking the “Read on Yelp” button and logging into your Yelp account.

Joshua Levy
Joshua Levy
I have bee seeing Soken for while now. If you have some sort of lingering physcial malady go see him, don't wait. He's pretty busy and it might take some time to get in so call right now. Some of my injuries and pain that I have had for years have been greatly relieved by his rolfing work and he's also just a great human being. I would totally go see him for his other services as well. Rolfing doesn't need to be super intense though it can be. He will calibrate to what you need
Philippa Newman
Philippa Newman
I cannot recommend Soken highly enough. He will literally transform your life. I first came to meet Soken for his Rolfing services when I had been living with unbearable lower back pain for over a year. Numerous visits to doctors, various x-rays and months of physical therapy later, I was no better off and desperate to find an alternative solution. Having read about Rolfing as a technique, I discovered Soken's practice in NYC. I am now back pain free and able to do things I thought no longer possible. As I learned more about Soken during our Rolfing sessions, I became interested in his spiritual life coaching /contemplative guidance program. His carefully tailored program has given me enormous insight, and I am a better person, mother and leader as a result. Soken has a calming, peaceful and reassuring presence, and I am extremely grateful to have met him when I did.
A Rice
A Rice
Soken is an amazing coach that will get to the essence of your issues. Difficult issues seem to become easier handle talking to Soken. He is a great coach to have, especially in these times. He is clear and ensures you leave each session with an understanding and a plan of action.
Maya Kumits
Maya Kumits
I’ve been going to Soken for years for my bodywork and sending everyone I know to him too. The work he does with his hands is incredible - I cannot say enough good things. This review, however, is for life coaching. I was faced with a decision recently that I was having trouble making. I was going in circles. I kept changing my mind because I ultimately had no idea what to do. I felt lost and confused. I reached out to Soken for help and was so glad I did. After struggling for weeks trying to figure out the right thing to do, a 1-hour call with him gave me the clarity I needed. By answering a series of thoughtful questions and hearing my answers reflected back to me, I was able to untangle the signal from the noise. By the end of the call, the answer revealed itself. It’s been a few weeks since our call and I still feel great about the decision. I’m so grateful to Soken for helping me with this and won’t hesitate to reach out again for more life coaching.
Marni Gordon
Marni Gordon
I highly recommend Soken as he's a fantastic coach! Soken really helped me set clear goals and measures, helped me to get to insight, and ensures that I have a strong action plan with accountability in every session. Soken's coaching helped me overcome the fear of taking the next step. Soken is sensitive and provides compassionate support through the process.
faraz khan
faraz khan
Soken is an exceptionally intelligent person who seems to understand any multiple of bodily issues. I've been struggling with a reoccurring injury the past few years, and already after the first session I can sense a lot of good has been done. I highly recommend him to anyone 😊
Shonni Silverberg
Shonni Silverberg
I got to know Soken as a client of his Rolfing practice, where his expertise was immeasurably valuable in treating my plantar fasciitis. During the COVID crisis, Soken introduced me to meditation. Practicing under his guidance has been extremely helpful in these turbulent times. Shonni J. Silverberg, M.D., New York, NY
Anaina Mascovich
Anaina Mascovich
The meditation guidance and talk last night was phenomenal. I have had instruction on Metta meditation before, but your explanation offered so much wisdom and direct understanding. Much Gratitude to You Soken.
Lena Elkousy
Lena Elkousy
This review is long overdue, and I would give 10 stars if I could. I cannot recommend Soken's work highly enough. Rolfing is an investment in my physical and emotional health that I wish I had made long ago. To put it quite simply, Soken has changed my life. When we work together, he listens to what I say and what my body says, and works with me right where I am. He is a true healer. In our first series of sessions, he permanently relieved shoulder/neck pain and unfurled a chronic knot that no amount of years of deep tissue massage could even touch. One side of my ribcage was bound with fascia and scar tissue from physical and emotional trauma, to the point that I couldn't breathe into my lower right lung without feeling cramping in surrounding muscles. Over a few sessions, he set me free, and you can actually see the difference in the shape of my ribs. In a series other sessions, he relieved sharp cramping in my feet that I've dealt with since childhood. As a yogi and meditator myself, I find Soken's integrative approach quite profound. Do yourself a favor and an act of self love: and go see this wizard.
Stella Nyla Jules
Stella Nyla Jules
Soken has been transformational in improving and diminishing the increasing pain in my neck and shoulder that traditional physical therapies failed to resolve. His patience, caring, and intuition are top notch.


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