How To Find Yourself Again If You’re Feeling Lost

How To Find Yourself Again

Your senses of self, identity, and agency are the primary factors that determine whether you will feel lost or found. 

The harder it is to live freely and draw boundaries around who you are, the more you will struggle to find peace. If you don’t know your purpose, it will be easy for a greater power to define and control you.

Why Do We Feel Lost?

Feeling lost is not entirely caused by you. 

Since the industrial revolution, many societal problems have worsened. This deterioration has made it increasingly difficult for people to be stable, both spiritually and financially.

In today’s world people have to constantly switch jobs or shoulder multiple jobs, making it nearly impossible to maintain a work identity. Divorce rates have skyrocketed. Trust in the media and government has plummeted. The pandemic has further disrupted our connection to nature and humanity. Vices, such as substance abuse and addiction to social media and video games, have continued to fill this vacuum.

When society is lost, people share that fate. Lost people are more likely to feel anxious and frustrated and to harm others and the world. To break free from this oppressive common condition, you’ll need to invest more time in self-discovery than the average person because the average person is generally unreflective and functions with little or no self-awareness.

Specific Events

In addition to society’s effects, there are specific events in one’s life that can exacerbate the feeling of being lost. These events are often traumatic, and they can cause people to lose their sense of agency and control. Some common examples are:

  • Someone breaking up with you
  • A loved one dying unexpectedly
  • Being a victim of assault or abuse
  • Losing a good job
  • Being forced to move
  • Events that change one’s identity in life: losing parents means you’re no longer a child, having children means you’ve become a parent, etc.

If you are open to forms of self-discovery, these events do not need to define your life.

Spiritual and Philosophical Perspectives on Being Lost and Finding Yourself

By exploring certain spiritual and philosophical frameworks, finding yourself can become possible, and perhaps easier than you imagined. Let’s start with the events mentioned above. People often feel that these events cause them to become lost.

Consider this alternative perspective: These events are obstacles to knowing who you are. You are born with purpose and passion, but societal ills and traumatic situations prevent you from seeing your authentic self. The answer is already inside you. And whereas events in the world continue to change, by finding the truth that is always with you, you don’t have to feel lost in the change.

From a Buddhist viewpoint, feeling lost means losing connection with Buddha Nature, an enlightened mental state. Budha nature is your original nature. Bright. Free. Pure. And because it’s your original nature, you can never lose it. In a narrative sense, a lost hero cannot progress through the story. Therefore, guides of light help heros recover and find their way to wholeness and resolution. By discovering and studying these types of ideas, you’ll have more tools to help you identify that which binds and darkens your fundamentally free self.

How to Know If You’re Lost

You’re reading this article because you are at least worried about being lost, but perhaps you’re not completely yet sure of where exactly you are. Other than the events and societal problems mentioned above, there are common behavioral signs and stages to look for:

  • Behaving in a way that doesn’t feel like you
  • Feeling like the dark parts of yourself have the most power over you
  • Not knowing what to do with your free time
  • Lacking a sense of purpose, self, agency, or clear identity
  • Being disconnected from healthy relationships or communities

And even if none of these descriptions sound familiar, if you’re reading this, it’s possible you’re dealing with a similar issue. Either way, you should be able to strengthen your spirit by following the advice in this article or consulting with a Spiritual Life Coach.

What to Do If You Feel Lost: 6 Ways To Find Yourself Again

The fact that you’re reading this article means you’ve acknowledged the problem, and that’s a crucial first step. Millions of people don’t even realize they’re lost.

Now comes the hard part: doing something about it. We recommend these methods.

1. Talk to Friends and Family Where There is a Mutual Love, Trust and Respect

There might be friends and family members in your life whose wisdom can help you find yourself. The relationship with this person should ideally be built on all three of the traits we mentioned: love, trust, and respect. It’s possible, for example, to love someone, but not trust or respect them. Even if this person has good intentions, it’s doubtful that their advice would be worth soliciting, much less following.

It’s also best if this person reciprocates your feelings of love, trust and respect. If someone doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth, they might waste your time with placations. Think of someone who has been both honest and supportive. And also, be sure to see whether or not they live by the advice they give—and make sure you love, trust and respect their way of living.

For those who aren’t certain they have at least one person like this in their lives, start by building a relationship with that type of positive foundation. And by any means, be for yourself a person that you can love, trust, and respect. 

In the meantime there are other methods that don’t require another person.

2. Self-Assessment: Online Quizzes and More

There are aspects of finding yourself that can be fun! Here are some tools, practices and techniques for self-discovery and spirituality:

3. Meditation

Set aside time and space to ask yourself big existential questions. If you’re new to meditation, use these articles to get started:

4. Reading

As someone who is already reading an article, you might be open to self-help books and literature. There are thousands of titles out there! We recommend starting with “Designing Your Life” or “The Artist’s Way.”

5. Travel

The pandemic has made travel less convenient, but it’s still possible to safely drive and fly to many parts of the planet. Discovery of the world can facilitate self-discovery, and travel creates opportunities to form new relationships.

6. Hire a Life Coach

An experienced Life Coach might be the best person to help you find yourself. Self-discovery can be a difficult journey, so there’s no shame in hiring a guide.

The Reward of Finding Yourself

Finding yourself is finding life. It is the greatest gift to yourself and those around you. Everything will become more enjoyable.

One of our clients felt lost after getting a divorce, moving, and becoming disenfranchised with her job. To find herself, she started a new life and studied Buddhism. These methods allowed her to slowly heal and reclaim the sense of self that had become obscured by her hardships. She gained autonomy and finally found a purpose beyond work.

If you put in the effort, you’ll have your own happy ending. Then, perhaps you’ll be one of the people your loved ones come to for guidance.

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6 Reviews on Bodhi Heart

Unfortunately, Yelp doesn’t show all of our client’s reviews on their website. 18 of 50, almost half of them, are hidden. But we want you to be able to see them all. See the excerpts below or read the full review by clicking the “Read on Yelp” button and logging into your Yelp account.

Joshua Levy
Joshua Levy
I have bee seeing Soken for while now. If you have some sort of lingering physcial malady go see him, don't wait. He's pretty busy and it might take some time to get in so call right now. Some of my injuries and pain that I have had for years have been greatly relieved by his rolfing work and he's also just a great human being. I would totally go see him for his other services as well. Rolfing doesn't need to be super intense though it can be. He will calibrate to what you need
Philippa Newman
Philippa Newman
I cannot recommend Soken highly enough. He will literally transform your life. I first came to meet Soken for his Rolfing services when I had been living with unbearable lower back pain for over a year. Numerous visits to doctors, various x-rays and months of physical therapy later, I was no better off and desperate to find an alternative solution. Having read about Rolfing as a technique, I discovered Soken's practice in NYC. I am now back pain free and able to do things I thought no longer possible. As I learned more about Soken during our Rolfing sessions, I became interested in his spiritual life coaching /contemplative guidance program. His carefully tailored program has given me enormous insight, and I am a better person, mother and leader as a result. Soken has a calming, peaceful and reassuring presence, and I am extremely grateful to have met him when I did.
A Rice
A Rice
Soken is an amazing coach that will get to the essence of your issues. Difficult issues seem to become easier handle talking to Soken. He is a great coach to have, especially in these times. He is clear and ensures you leave each session with an understanding and a plan of action.
Maya Kumits
Maya Kumits
I’ve been going to Soken for years for my bodywork and sending everyone I know to him too. The work he does with his hands is incredible - I cannot say enough good things. This review, however, is for life coaching. I was faced with a decision recently that I was having trouble making. I was going in circles. I kept changing my mind because I ultimately had no idea what to do. I felt lost and confused. I reached out to Soken for help and was so glad I did. After struggling for weeks trying to figure out the right thing to do, a 1-hour call with him gave me the clarity I needed. By answering a series of thoughtful questions and hearing my answers reflected back to me, I was able to untangle the signal from the noise. By the end of the call, the answer revealed itself. It’s been a few weeks since our call and I still feel great about the decision. I’m so grateful to Soken for helping me with this and won’t hesitate to reach out again for more life coaching.
Marni Gordon
Marni Gordon
I highly recommend Soken as he's a fantastic coach! Soken really helped me set clear goals and measures, helped me to get to insight, and ensures that I have a strong action plan with accountability in every session. Soken's coaching helped me overcome the fear of taking the next step. Soken is sensitive and provides compassionate support through the process.
faraz khan
faraz khan
Soken is an exceptionally intelligent person who seems to understand any multiple of bodily issues. I've been struggling with a reoccurring injury the past few years, and already after the first session I can sense a lot of good has been done. I highly recommend him to anyone 😊
Shonni Silverberg
Shonni Silverberg
I got to know Soken as a client of his Rolfing practice, where his expertise was immeasurably valuable in treating my plantar fasciitis. During the COVID crisis, Soken introduced me to meditation. Practicing under his guidance has been extremely helpful in these turbulent times. Shonni J. Silverberg, M.D., New York, NY
Anaina Mascovich
Anaina Mascovich
The meditation guidance and talk last night was phenomenal. I have had instruction on Metta meditation before, but your explanation offered so much wisdom and direct understanding. Much Gratitude to You Soken.
Lena Elkousy
Lena Elkousy
This review is long overdue, and I would give 10 stars if I could. I cannot recommend Soken's work highly enough. Rolfing is an investment in my physical and emotional health that I wish I had made long ago. To put it quite simply, Soken has changed my life. When we work together, he listens to what I say and what my body says, and works with me right where I am. He is a true healer. In our first series of sessions, he permanently relieved shoulder/neck pain and unfurled a chronic knot that no amount of years of deep tissue massage could even touch. One side of my ribcage was bound with fascia and scar tissue from physical and emotional trauma, to the point that I couldn't breathe into my lower right lung without feeling cramping in surrounding muscles. Over a few sessions, he set me free, and you can actually see the difference in the shape of my ribs. In a series other sessions, he relieved sharp cramping in my feet that I've dealt with since childhood. As a yogi and meditator myself, I find Soken's integrative approach quite profound. Do yourself a favor and an act of self love: and go see this wizard.
Stella Nyla Jules
Stella Nyla Jules
Soken has been transformational in improving and diminishing the increasing pain in my neck and shoulder that traditional physical therapies failed to resolve. His patience, caring, and intuition are top notch.


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